Tuesday, September 9, 2008


SANDYNISTA: why does every boy i date want to be in a relationship with me! why don't they just want to have a one night stand?!
Sent at 2:33 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: have you ever had crabs? have you ever had jock itch? do you know how to tell them apart?
Sent at 2:35 PM on Tuesday
me: lol I LOVE YOU GRASSHOPPER! Which order do you want the answers to?
SANDYNISTA: just give me your wisdom
Sent at 2:56 PM on Tuesday
me: ok, crabs first. You know when you have crabs, they move. They actually look like little tiny crabs. Think all you can't eat at red lobster.
SANDYNISTA: gross, maybe it's jock itch
Sent at 2:58 PM on Tuesday
me: second, jock itch and it's ugly cousin, scabies are totally a different sitch. They both itch but scabies is just ugly. Jock itch is sorta flaky , Scabies is ugly. Both need to be taken care of right away. Pee on yourself for jockitch or try over the counter. Scabies, get to a doctor, yuk!
Sent at 3:00 PM on Tues
SANDYNISTA: yeah, i'm sorta peeling, and i had athletes feet so maybe it just jock itch
how the hell do you get scabies!?
me: On the BF thing. Chalk it up to your charm and innate sense of style. Why wouldn't someone want to date you? you're smart, relatively cute and tall. You speak 2 1/2 languages and, under my tutelage know the difference between Kenneth Cole and Prada.
Scabies is from being on nasty sheets. Anything you wanna talk about?
Sent at 3:02 PM on Tuesday
me: Back to the bf thing. Keep two personal profiles. One, for coffee and those awful indie movies you like dates. The other is "I just want to bang 'till the break of dawn". One get's a face pic. The other gets a pic of your best assets. You decide which is which.
SANDYNISTA: pee on yourself? what kinda bruja shit is that?
me: It's a fact! Peeing on yourself can cure some crazy shit. Athletes foot for instance. You should pee on your feet (in the shower) ever so often if you're not wearing socks. I swear.
peeing on your crotch is called watersports. I assume you've already been there.
Sent at 3:05 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: hmm, i guess the guys who see my best asset on a4a are hardly ever the kinda guys i want to sleep with, because they are not the kind of guys i'd like to date-you know, it's all interconnected for me:)
me: Then what's your damage Heather?
SANDYNISTA: i want to sleep with the kind of guys i want to date. but i don't want to date them
Sent at 3:09 PM on Tuesday
me: Oh. Hmm. I get it. Then use the search link at a4a and put in that you want the kind of guys who is an open relationship. Make sure you check the part about drug usage as well. Why? Because if a guy is in a relationship and does some form of drugs, he's usually only in it to get banged before he comes down and needs to get home to hubby.
Sent at 3:11 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: i'm always gled to hear your perspective, because it is certainly different. i guess what i'm trying to get to is that i want to sleep with smart, funny, cute, trustworthy men (the kind i'd hopefully date) but that it is almost impossible to find because they all want to be with a boyfriend
Sent at 3:14 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: ......relatively cute?!!!
me: I'm so confused my head is hurting. I thought I laid (hehe) that one out. Aim at guys already in a relationship. Warning! Those are ALWAYS the guys you fall in love with and they aint never gonna leave hubby and the Audi wagon.
Aiyee! It took you that long to pick up on relatively! Mija, you're slipping!
Sent at 3:16 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: i see....
Sent at 3:18 PM on Tuesday
me: Moral of the story is this: Never screw anyone with a backpack or at the Olive Motel. Always screw married guys. Never fall in love. Avoid German station wagons. Anything else?
SANDYNISTA: i think i got it. i miss my pig
me: ME TOO!

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