Saturday, September 27, 2008

THE MAIN EVENT!


As important as the Presidential Debates are, we all know the one we can't wait to see.

BIDEN VS PALIN!



DEREK WASHINGTON Presents

OBAMA PRIDE DEBATE WATCHING PARTY

Hosted By Las Vegas Entertainer STEPHEN SORRENTINO

In order to better inform the LGBT community and general voting public about the vital need to get out the vote in this years Presidential election, Las Vegas entertainer Stephen Sorrentino has volunteered his lakefront home in Las Vegas to host an OBAMA PRIDE party to watch the Vice Presidential debate between Senator Joseph Biden and Governor Sarah Palin.

In association with Nevada State Democratic Delegate Derek Washington, the party will seek to sign up volunteers for get out the vote efforts and make local voters aware of the very important "downticket" races that are also being waged in the battle to make sure Nevada becomes a "BLUE STATE" in this election.

In addition, there will be raffles to benefit the homeless population of Las Vegas.

WHERE: The Lake Front Home Of STEPHEN SORRENTINO & JOSEPH HERNANDEZ

2812 High Sail Ct Las Vegas NV 89117

WHEN: Thursday October 2nd at 5:30PM

DISCUSSION: After debate attendees will be brought via boat to the LAKE SAHARA YACHT CLUB for conversation and dessert

ANY QUESTIONS AND TO RSVP: DEREK WASHINGTON 702 576 4978 OR EMAIL TO DWASHINGTON314@GMAIL.COM


FEEL FREE TO BRING SOME REFRESHMENTS TO SHARE!

Friday, September 26, 2008

YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW SCREWED YOU ARE!


READ TODAYS AUTOWEEK MAGAZINE ONLINE NOW!

I had no idea that all cars now have black boxes that record everything you do while driving. Of course it's for "safety". Actually it's so that police and insurance companies can spy on you. With these devices, manufacturers could say you violated your warranty by going over the speed limit and the police could, hypothetically, give you tickets without you ever getting pulled over by a cop. The revenue stream has to be very tempting.

I'm going to find out more about this. We have to stop this. Btw, Nissan is evidently the worst at this. They're cars tell all of your business.

Notice, this post has no jokes or bitchy gay humour.

This is as important as the election.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT POP N FRESH!


Evidently the republican party doesn't understand a simple maxim.

THOU SHALT NOT FUCK WITH A FAG WITH A NEW PARTY FROCK!

After three thousand years in the Senate, Pop N Fresh has decided to notice that due to the complete greed of a few people on Wall St and in Washington D.C. our country is about to become Mexico.

Not the cute part.

I'm talking Pacoima.

First the republicans broke the flight controllers union, then they deregulated everything except the bedroom. Then they invented something called "trickle down economics". That was a doozy. Evidently, if a rich person spills some wine if it runs down the side of the table and puddles on the floor and a illegal Salvodoran maid licks and spits out a bit and some American steel workers catches the vapors coming from her mouth, that's "trickle down economics".

And he better be glad to get it.

Well, the chickens have come home to roost. All those creepy guys who have been buying ultra yachts and megahomes in the Hamptons where they screw Ukranian prostitutes have gotten busted with their hands in the Cookie jar and all financial hell has broken loose. Banks are closing and millions are losing billions.

Oh yeah, it's trickling down.

To me.

It seems Pop wants to delay the presidential debate. Honestly, who gives a flip? Everyone knows Pop was going to dodder and prevaricate. Duh.

The big cheezola is the Thrilla in ring #2. "Mad Dog" Joe Biden vs Sarah "I don't need a strap-on" Palin. That's the only debate anyone cares about. It's like waiting for a fat kid to come running down a wet staircase to get to the ice cream truck when you know there's a pretty good chance he's going to fall. Hilarity just might ensue. So you watch. And wait. With baited breath.

Well, now Pop wants to delay his first date with the golden one. Which I guess will give the republicans all the excuse they need to cancel outright the vice presidential debate.

AWW HELLS TO THE NO!

I'm throwing a party on October 2nd to watch Endora and Sparky go at it.

No one fucks up one of my parties.

No one.

Pop, u get your lazy ass and hit the debate study books and be on the playground after school Friday. And Endora, you get your Morman cult hair up and ready. Both of you get up there and take your hits like the men you claim to be (I know the Governor is swinging at least 10").

And do it now.

I've got a party to throw.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

ZUT ALORS! CLAY AIKEN IS GAY!


Welcome to the club Clay!

And your little baby too!

BLACK KKK MEMBERS JEWISH NAZIS GAY REPUBLICANS. WTF!?!


When I was trying to raise funds to get to Denver I sent out a mass of emails to a group of LGBT realtor's I had met at an announcement party for the worlds first Gay resort (well, the kind you keep your clothes on) and casino here in Las Vegas.

I got several angry emails telling me not to send them anymore emails because they were republicans.

Oh-Kayee.

Not only was I dumbstruck that they seemed to miss the whole point of a former total loser trying to get back to life and taking an interest in his country ( "and playing the patriotic victim, Miss Anne Blythe substituting for Miss Garland for the rest of the run") but I really was thrown back by "I'm a republican!".

Oy! I'm late for my SS meeting! That schmuck at the butcher is so going to pay for this!

It gets better.

I made it through Denver and came back intent upon getting Barack Obama elected. After an Obama Pride ( the Bamahomos) conference call I knew i had to throw debate watching parties to get the LGBT (I hate that. Gays! Fags! Dykes! Drags! Not the bi's, they don't count. No one cares who they fuck) community to become involved in the election. Naturally. I mean, they said party.

So where do you call when you want to throw a big gay party?

How 'bout a big gay bar?!? Quelle simple. No?

No! Big fucking no!

I called the Eagle ( a trashy quasi leather bar that smells of old pee and boring slummers from Ohio) first because they are always pimping there staff out to the big gays (das baren) in the name of gay pride and bear dips (it's a pool party, not a delousing) and all manner of gay events. Gay events where they make money selling alcohol to homos who are willing to stand around in their panties for a cheap drink. Gay events.

Well, I was informed by the owner, "we can't do a Democratic event like that, we're republicans."

Leroy, get yo hood! Push down dem naps! Weez goin' be late t da klankave! Hurry yo narrow black ass up boy!

The Eagle is a republican bar!

Jesus and Mary Chain!

You know the worst part? Most of the homos I told didn't care.

Schlomo, hand me that lampshade. Ah, fine German craftsmanship.

Like the band on the Titanic, far too many fagelas are perfectly content playing as the ship goes down. As long as it doesn't affect them, who cares?

Guess what fags? It So affects you!

You upper "A" class homos with your store bought chinese babies, it affects you because Pop N Fresh doesn't want you to have the right to have any kids. Store bought or not. Your wedding wouldn't be getting booked at The Parker if Democrats hadn't been at the front of fighting for your right to get divorced (c'mon people, who exactly are we kidding here? Gay marriage is just an excuse to fuck with your ex legally)? Republicans turn the other way when a gay kid gets killed (Mathew Shepard) or when you and your queenie best friend get bashed outside of the Eagle.

I'm just saying.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

BARACK OBAMA IN LAS VEGAS! ISSUES! ISSUES! ISSUES! YEA!


He did it!

Barack Obama is speaking as I write this.

In the last four minutes he removed any doubts I still had about him.

He nailed it on alternative energy, investing in America, making sure new technologies benefited America first, and said he would set up a national service system and guarantee college tuition for every American who serves their country.

AND HE STUCK TO ISSUES!!!

YIPPEE!!!!

Gotta get back to the speech!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

EVER FUCKED YOUR EX?


I have this thing my friends know as "The Derek Washington Last Memorial Fuck".

Let me 'splain Loo-Cee.

After you break up with someone you can't help but regret the fact that you never saw the end coming. If you had, you never would have signed the papers on their car, been nice to their asshole best friend, let his/her bitch sister borrow your Chanel shopping bag, etc..

Mainly, you regret not having had one last, "Bang Bang till the break of dawn".

Bummer.

So, grasshoppers, here's what you do: Somehow, arrange to meet your ex at a bar. Get him/her soused. Say everything that ever went wrong was your fault. Suggest a tequila shot to seal the past in the past.

Now, here's where the good part comes in.

Since you would never let your ex drive in his/her condition, suggest you spend the night together.

Heh.

Heh.

Well, you "betta work"! You forget about anything in that bed except your ex. You make sure that you turn it out like a Hooker at a Lakers playoff party. You bang like like a pornstar! Pretend you're with Todd Palin and "DRILL BABY DRILL!"

Now, just when your ex finishes hitting the ceiling, before they start breathing, you whisper in their ears real close and wet, "from now on, everytime you cum, you think of me."

MATCH. POINT.

Like Pavlovs' dogs your ex will never be able to have a climax again without your face being in their heads.

Heh.

Heh.

Well, the brilliant 1939 version of The Women whispered "from now on everytime you see a remake of me, you'll think of me."

Heh.

Fuck.

As in the "DWLMF" all I could think of while watching the new version of this Norma Shearer/Joan Crawford classic was the original.

Hoisted on my own petard.

Quelle bummer.

Where the original was a brilliant, witty, catfest, the new Dianne English Version is , I'm pretty sure, A Lexus commercial.

Premise: Mary Haines is a perfect house, oops, stay at home mom. Her unseen hubby (no men in this version or the original. The 1959 version starring some milqutoast named June, Joan whats her name from Dynasty and Mrs. Howell had men. It suffered from the men but still was better that the latest version.) Stephen is having an affair with hottie Crystal (Joan Crawford in the original and some hot latina in the new version) a perfume girl at Saks Fifth Avenue.

Did I mention this movie was a Saks Fifth Avenue commercial.

WAIT!

This movie SUCKS!

Meg Ryan does what she can with the Murphy Brown direction of English. But, Chica! What's up with your lips? Is there any collagen left in Collagenia? She does, however, wear an amazing black outfit with gloves after she straightens her Carly Simon post James Taylor breakup perm.

Jada Pinkett plays a horny dyke.

Hmm.

Debra Messing is actually pretty good in her role as the baby factory with a secret.

Annete Benning is fine, but, her character, Sylvia, is not supposed to be sympathetic. I guess her agents took care of that ("just take the Miranda part from Sex In The City, cut, paste, no one will notice."). Her part's stupid. I'll leave it at that.

The hot Latina is actually really good as the Maneater Crystal. Somehow, she goes all MIA in the middle of the movie.

Huh?

Debi Mazar is bang up as the manicurist who gets the whole ball of dung rolling.

This movie is going fine until somebody decided to rewrite a classic.

AND THE FASHION SHOW SCENE!

AARRGGGHHHH!!!!!

In the original b&w version, the ladies attend a fashion show that turns into a color extravaganza of the most over the top fashion you can imagine. I'm talking Salvador Dali wet dream fashion! Human hand clasps on coats. Frocks that turn into Moonshot evening gowns! And crazy sets with monkeys, bulls and all manner of props. The point was the insanity of womens vanity.

In the new "I am woman hear me roar" version, the fashion show is presented as a straightforward example of Marys' (and the Sisterhood of Traveling Pantsuits) independence from men.

She lives for herself and all women!

"From now on, everytime you cum, you'll think of me."

LIPSTICK ON YOUR COLLAR TOLD A TALE ON YOU


This election has shown me something very basic.

Democrats can be just as stupid as republicans.

Case in point. "Lipstick on a pig."

C'mon people, we all know what Barry meant when he said that. The crowd knew what he meant. He waited a Lenobeat for the comment to sink in.

The "outrage" of republicans should have been expected.

I am a firm believer in "anything I say behind your back I'll say to your face." If I called you a smegma loving uncle fukker behind your back, I'll say it to your face. I might even add in something to bring you to tears if you forced me to say in front of other people (I'm cute, but deadly when fucked with, sorta like a cornered Bunny. Playboy.).

Our guy didn't own up to it. How could he? He shouldn't have said it.

But, we Dems are surrounded by dumbkoffs who really should just shut the hell up.

Madonnas' latest video (this bitch has been making videos since her days with the Mack Sennet studios) somehow manages to juxtapose Pop N Fresh with Adolf Hitler, Stalin, etc.. Obama is compared to the Dalai Lama, Bob Geldorf and I think God.

Real quick you red string wearing fake pretendabe almost Jewish (when you're spouting that Kaballah cult crap) distorter of history.

HITLER!? I don't even like Pop but this not only is over the top, it's insulting to the millions of Jews, Gypsys, Christians, Mentally Ill AND GAYS THAT HITLER HAD MURDERED! MILLIONS!

SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!

Our guy is compared to the Dalai Lama.

Let's talk about that fraud.

You see, he is a "living God." I'm cool with that, after all, so is Jason Momoa from Stargate.

The Dalai, however, lived in splendor in a huge castle overlooking his dirt eating "subjects" down below. Well, for whatever the reasons, the Chinese decided to take his little kingdom from him. Now, I'm no religious authority but I think another "living God" chose to die for his people so that they could live lives dedicated to doing good to and for their fellow humans (ok, so we know how that turned out, but it wasn't Jesus' fault, the republicans got ahold of him and......).

I'm just saying.

GO JESUS! GET BUSY! IT'S YOUR BURFDAY!

Well, Dalai, when the going got ruff, ran like a virgin at a prison riot.

"OOH GRAB THE GOLD!"

Yeah, the Tibetan people have lived under the iron thumb of the Chinese ever since. Recently, when they had finally had enough, they rioted.

When Benazir Bhutto felt her country needed her she went back to Pakistan and gave her soil her blood. Martin Luther King stood on a balcony and received a shotgun blast for sticking to his principles.

The Dalai Lama knows how to order room service at any Four Seasons hotel in the world

"Yes, charge the pork chops to, oh let's see, yes, charge it to the idiots in Hollywood who keep pushing me as a great world figure. Yes, that Richard Gere, oh no, he paid for my private jet here. Bono, oh no, he's supporting African dictators. Hmm, Madonna, yes, Madge. Oh, and please, some of that blood sausge I love so."

And that Geldorf dude. Have you ever read an English tabloid? Check one out or do a search on Peaches and Pixie Geldorf. Crazy rich bitches who make Lindsay and her bf Steve seem like cheerleaders from Minnetonka. Seems while he was out saving the world his ex commited suicide leaving him to ruin the lives of his girls.

I'm just saying.

My point is thus.

When we Dems come up with all this really stupid crap we come off like the kid on the playground who stomps his feet and cries when he gets hit in dodgeball.

It's just whiny.

And let's face it, when that kid cries, what's your first reaction the next time you go to recess?

You throw that ball even harder at that little bitch to see him go apeshit.

DEMS THIS IS DODGEBALL 3.0!

Stop crying and throw the issues ball right back at Team Endora and aim for the head!

Just stop whining and for chrissakes Hollywood........

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

WHAT EXACTLY IS JOE BIDEN GETTING PAID FOR?


I have said many times I am a former Hillarybot. I still think she would have made a great prezzie. I have moved on to supporting Senator Obama.

I , however, am still perplexed by the not choosing (ok, my grammer check just took a valium over that one) of HRC for Vice President.

HRC had her campaign staff vett me when they were considering having me speak at the convention (we all know how that went, who the fuck was that little twink who took my place!?!). Hillary was NEVER vetted by Obama for the VP spot.

Well, the chickens are coming home to roost.

Seems Pop N Fresh pulled a fast one and found Endora at a born again Yeti retreat outside of Anchorage.

Can you say, GAME CHANGER?

Honestly, who thought Pop had an idea like this one anywhere in the dough factory?

Really.

But, no problem, we've got Joe Biden on our side!

"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!"

"Excuse me, white old guy, could you move over so that we can get a picture of Governor Palin and that bloody, uh, Maureen Dowd, do you know what type of carcass that is? No, it's not a harridan, you're a harridan. Thanks Mo, yeah Bidenguy just step over there, yeah, thanks!. Sarah! This way! Who are you wearing?! Sarah! Over here for People! Uh, Bidendude, can you , yeah, over there, thanks. Sarah!"

Wasn't the whole point of Joe Biden to take apart anyone Pop N Fresh nominated? I'm just saying. I don't remember the last time I saw Joe Biden. Oh, wait, yes I do. He was signing his book at Barnes and Noble up the street from my house. I love Boca Park shopping center. He was sitting there and about 16 people were waiting in line.

Ooh yeah, star power. I had more people at my last garage sale (I do have fab garage sale items).

In like three thousand attempts at running for President, Joe has never gotten past the first round. Not exactly the sound of America screaming for this guy to live in the Vice-Presidents bunker. Of course, it's not like Darth is leaving the Deathstar. Ever.

Hillary on the other hand......

I'm just saying.

WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE MAKE THIS AND SEND ME A REVIEW?


It's amazing what you find whilst cruising , uh , perusing the internets.

I came across this "meal". I find it really interesting in a car wreck sorta way. I can't imagine making it but I'm dying for someone else to do it and send me a post and pic.

Did you know SPAM is a pork product? I didn't know what the hell it was.

 ---------- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.02

Title: FRENCH FRY SPAM CASSEROLE
Categories: Main dish
Yield: 8 servings

1 pk Frozen french fry potatoes,
-thawed (20 oz)
2 c Shredded Cheddar cheese
2 c Sour cream
1 cn Condensed cream of chicken
-soup (10 3/4 oz)
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
-(12 oz)
1/2 c Chopped red bell pepper
1/2 c Chopped green onion
1/2 c Finely crushed corn flakes

Heat oven to 350'F. In large bowl, combine potatoes, cheese, sour
cream, and soup. Stir in SPAM, bell pepper, and green onion. Spoon
into 13x9″ baking dish. Sprinkle with crushed flakes. Bake 30-40
minutes or until thoroughly heated.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

YOUR LIFETIME MOMENT!


A new chapter just got added THE BOOK OF FAGS.

Lifetime.

Yes. Lifetime.

Lifetime was created for still lactating ,yet, really old stay at home moms. Somewhere along the way, Lifetime got a raging salad tosser in at programming. I'm talking Uncle Arthur at 35.

Designing Women, Golden Girls, Will & Grace, THE NANNY! FOR CHRISSAKES! Lifetime, every single one of them. All day. I have fallen asleep to The Golden Girls and awakened to The Nanny just to start over again.

Wash. Repeat.

These gayass reruns were great and all ,but, Lifetime needed a hook.

Well, who's sitting at home all day just happy to not be bothered for 2-3hours? Stay at home moms!

Zut alors!

See, you can watch a full length movie everyday after that jerk you married and HIS kids get the hell out of the house. You, could have an affair, but honestly, way too much trouble. It involves waxing.

Unless you're a Lesbian. Lesbians don't have affairs. Or wax. A Lesbian would leave your ass after smashing in your car windows and have a new girlfriend she's moving in with and all in the same night.

She'll be back for some of the cats.

Later.

No, the average American stay at home mom is not having some dumbass affair. She wants some Diet Coke and a cigarette (she gave 'em up 2yrs ago. Heh. Heh.).

By the time she gets rid of everybody she has already fucking missed Oprah and The View is way too political for her. She does like Sherri. Though. She wants an escape. She wants to the entire boxed set of Not Without My Daughter Volumes 1-16. She wants to see every single tv movie that Valerie Bertinelli and anyone named Melissa has ever made. Melissa Joan Hart, Melissa Sue Anderson, Melissa Gilbert any Melissa will do. Melissa Fucking Rivers. No, not her.

Melissa is a single or married very unhappily or happily married mom of a daughter, Lindsay, who is about to be kidnapped, bullied, molested, or a victim of a credit card scam. Or, she'll have an eating disorder.

Yeah, Lyndsay is fucked.

Two hours later Melissa has battled her husband, abuser, met cute cad of a boyfriend or a stalker from her previous Lifetime movie. Her daughter, Lyndsay, is finally out of the grips of her abuser, at work date rapist or if it's a Valerie "Very Special Presentation" Bertinelli flick , pimp( who's white, as if) and is ready to go back to work at the ice cream parlor, roller rink, Wall St firm or become an inspiration for young women everywhere (this is, after all,"based on a true story").

All she has to do now is bump some Kenny Chesney in the Kia Sorrento (honey, it "looks" like an SUV, you'll love it.) on the way to Food 4 Less before picking up Anna (his moms name) and Jill (who's really starting to bore her) and figure out a new way to make "Atsa My Turkey" or some KFC served on paper plates.

And.

A cigarette. She quit. You know.

Well, somehow that fag in programming got back from his fat band surgery, I mean, "time I just needed to myself. The Hudson River Valley."

Or some such place.

"What the fuck has been going on around here whilst I was in Mexi..C..oh....taking some time for myself. Hudson River Valley. You know." Uncle Arthur probably at the moment he saw a Traci Gold movie scheduled (she plays an Army helicopter pilot who gets shot down and falls for the medic who saves her hair. Or some such.), knew drastic measures were in order. "In Mexico.. uh.. the Hudson River Vall.. oh fuck it, I saw Shirley Maclaine in John Goldfarb Won't You Please Come Home? (in spanish) and I saw a star! A big ole will work for cheap STAR!" The fagela swooned, looked over at the Abercrombie poster by the couch, oh, wait, that's Track Palin. "Best assistant ever I've ever had" thought Uncle Arthur. 'This is the YEAR OF THE WOMEN, we need something that gives you an empowered woman left without love but with all the material and personal success that she ever dreamt of. Who can that woman be? Candice Bergen? Oh no, she's too big for us! Farrah? I wish! No, only Shirley Maclaine can be this woman!"

"Woman?" Track was always at his cutest when he was clueless.

Track was always cute. Very cute. Extremely cute.

But. I digress.

The room turned and stared at Track.

"Who's this woman? Is it my mom?", Yes, Track was cute indeed.

As the hot Santa Ana winds licked their sullen way up onto Sunset Blvd they blew open the fagelas' french doors in his Hollywood Regency decorated office. Papers flew past I-MACS and anorexic assistants toppled over.

"CHANEL! CO! CO! CHANEL!" exclaimed the fagela. At that point knew he had his next 'RED CARPET EVENT.

THE COCO CHANEL STORY.

And that, my friends is the moment that Gay history added a new chapter. And don't worry you "I never watched Sex in the City, I think all of that is way too gay for me and Brick", living in oblivion homos, you don't have to go down the local cinema. You can even watch it from your closet. It's LIFETIME! You'll be able to watch this anytime Melissa Sue isn't on.

Over and Over.

This movie is world class CAMP! Just take every biopic you've ever seen starring an ex Charlies Angel and let the old blender rip! The sets! The costumes! The attention to details! My god if only Alan Carr was still alive!

CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC! Starring BRUCE JENNER! ALAN CARR PRODUCED IT! Keep up Homos!

Long story short: Coco's mom dies. She and her sis are abandoned at a convent by dad. Sisters can't wait to get Coco the fuck outta there. She gets a job in a sweat factory run by Nathan Lanes' older taller brother Fred. Or some woman. Flash. Flash. Becomes a slut. Moves in with the first of many army officers (think Pam Andersons white trash obsession. Hmm, can you have an obsession with something if you are it? That's some existential shit.). Get's wise thanks to her nemesis Rosalind Russel. Or some woman. Get's another officer (1st officers bff). He leaves for her a respectable girl from a good family. He comes back. They truly are each others great love. he dies.

Really?

True grit. Music swelling. Present day (or well, you know). By the way, that whole set up is explained by Shirley Maclaine, who at this point, isn't even bothering with the "accente Franciase" anymore. Shirley must think she got the Meryl Streep role in "Death Becomes Herl" at this point because she sounds just like Meryl telling off Bruce Willis right before she falls down the stairs. Work. Work. Work. Oh yeah, she invented the "little Black dress" at the funeral of her lover.

I swear.

Swelling music. Cymbalta (did you know the side effect of this anti-depression med is suicidal thoughts? Just saying.). "Living Proof" starring Harry Connick jr, the male Melissa (see Blair Underwood for the Black version of Harry Connick jr.) Sue Whatever.Fabulous Chanel montages. Triumphance.

My god! It's 10:57! Is someone going to die? Is this is a two parter?

NOOOOO! IT CAN'T BE OVER! NO! NO! NO!

What about WWII? The Nazi officers? The shame? The scandals?

The humanity!

No more world class bad script! Horrible acting!

WAIT!

NO FUCKING WAY!

IT'S COMING ON AGAIN!

WITHOUT A COMMERCIAL BREAK!

I'M DYING!

See Homos. I told you there would be time to see it! It may never stop showing!

September 13, 2008.

If you are a homosexual (or a fat girl) this date will go down as "your Lifetime moment". Honor it. Start Coco watching parties at your local boy bar. Swim in it.

DRAGS! YOU HAVE A NEW CHARACTER THIS YEAR!

I love you Shirley Maclaine!

Je Taime.

p.s. I love you Shirley but I like this picture of Cher better.

Friday, September 12, 2008

SENATOR HERE'S AN ISSUE THAT WILL CONNECT WITH THE AVERAGE MCCAIN VOTER


You never know what's going to happen when you go to work.

Most days you stop and have some coffee and b.s. with your work buddies before putting out a small fire and then start looking at the clock anticipating quitting time.

Brush. Spit. Rinse.

17 February 2006, Ignacio Ramos and Jose Campeon probably started their day just like they always had.

Brush. Spit. Rinse.

Osbaldo Aldrete-Davila probably started his day the same way he always did.

Aldrete-Davila loaded up his van with 800lbs of drugs and headed off to poison America via Fabens, Texas. An illegal alien, he made an attempt to make a run for the border after officer Campeon spotted and pursued him. He abandoned the van and ran towards Mexico. Officer Campeon ran after him.

Campeon was shot and laying in the Texas dirt, his blood turning into mud beneath him when officer Ramos found him after Campeon had called for backup. Ramos took off after Adrete-Davila. While chasing him he thought he saw the drug dealer brandish a gun. He fired at him. Since the perp didn't stop he assumed that he had missed.

He didn't miss. He shot him in his ass.

Ok, now it's get freaky.

Did you know that Border Patrol agents cannot go over the speed limit to pursue a criminal? It's also against the law to shoot a fleeing illegal alien even if you think they have a gun.

Long story short. The dealer was granted FULL IMMUNITY to testify against the officers! AND you may not have medical insurance but the drug dealer got full medical treatment at one of the best hospitals in Texas. He was able to get that treatment because the Feds gave him full immunity to come back to the states as long as he would testify against the agents for violating his civil rights!

Huh?

The officers are now sitting in jail for getting up, going to work and doing their jobs.

Brush. Spit. Rinse.

Not.

The drug dealer? Probably cruising downtown El Paso with his full immunity.

Senator Obama, this is straight up crazy! Please, make this story the story of good AMERICANS who are being abused by the republican controlled justice department. Point out that the party of Law and Order are prosecuting AMERICANS for protecting our country's borders. What happened to the Homeland Security that they used to force the Patriot act down our throats? Would the pusher have had anywhere near this treatment if he had had the temerity to be born a Muslim? His little ass would be on the first unmarked Learjet to Cuba.

Sir, stop apologizing for the "pig" thing (what were you thinking?) and work to get these guys out of jail.

Demand it.

Demand President Bush pardon these guys like he did Scooter Libby, who, btw, should have been hung from a tree for acts of treason.

This is an issue that takes one person, yourself, to sound the bell. You can shine the spotlight on these guys and do the whole country a favor AND point out the hypocrisy of the republican party and it's War on Terror. This is something that AMERICANS from Compton to Greenwich can understand and agree on.

Do the right thing AND take back the narrative in this campaign.Please.

Brush.

Spit.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY, SMALL EARS ARE LISTENING


If you know me you know I came to this election a hardcore Hillary Clinton supporter.

To this day I think she would have made a great candidate.

But, it didn't work out that way. In Denver I saw the faces of the young people from 4yrs on up and I saw the faces of kids who were actually joyfull about an election!

Who woulda thunk it?

It reminded me of a story. A story that I hope folks who don't support Obama because they supported Hillary will take heed of.

btw, who knew this blogging would have me constantly opening old wounds?

Calling Dr. Bombay, Dr. Bombay!

This is something I wrote to myself as notes on why I wanted to be elected to a local LGBT organization, The Las Vegas Athletics, Arts & Activities community organization, or LVGA3.

Here it goes:

MY MAIN REASON I WANT TO HELP OUT GOES BACK TO MY MIDDLE SCHOOL YEARS.

ALL I WANTED TO DO FROM THE TIME I TOOK MY FIRST PLANE RIDE AT 6 YRS OLD WAS TO BE A PILOT.

IN THE 6TH GRADE AT THE START OF MY FIRST DAY IN A NEW SCHOOL I WENT TO ALL MY TEACHERS AND ASKED WHAT I NEEDED TO DO TO BE A PILOT. ALL THE TEACHERS TOLD ME TO STUDY HARD AND GET GOOD GRADES.

WHEN I GOT TO THE MATH TEACHER, SHE TOLD ME IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, "THEY DON'T LET BLACK PEOPLE BE PILOTS." TO TOP IT OFF, SHE THEN SAID, "ESPECIALLY NOT SISSIES."

I IMMEDIATELEY STARTED EATING AND TO THIS DAY CAN'T DO MATH. I'M ALSO NOT A PILOT. I GOT MOST OF THE WEIGHT OFF AND ONE DAY I WILL LEARN ENOUGH MATH TO FLY A PLANE, BUT, THE HURT IS STILL THERE EVERYTIME I PASS AN AIRPORT.

I NEVER WANT ANY TEEN OR EVEN ANY ADULTS TO BE TOLD THAT THEY CAN'T DO SOMETHING BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN OR THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATION. I FEEL THIS ORGANIZATION CAN GO A LONG WAY TOWARDS LETTING ALL TYPES OF PEOPLE KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE, THEY CAN DO AND BE ANYTHING THEY WANT.
I WANT TO BE ON BOARD TO HELP THAT POSITIVE SPIRIT HAPPEN.

Ok, so, this was a speech, however, I think it totally expresses why I think even if you're not an Obama supporter, you should keep the tone positive around young people. If all they ever hear about politics is negative, there's a pretty good chance they'll never aspire to be involved.

If they don't want to be involved where will the next Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama come from?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

POP N FRESH KNOWS YOU'RE STUPID AND HE'LL PROVE IT


I think I'm one of those insomnomaniacs. I never sleep. I've got the sleeping habits of an old black lady.

In bed by 10pm. Up wandering the house in a bathrobe and slip at 4:30am. Bible in hand by 5:00am. Rinse and repeat.

I know all about Ab Crunchers and Country and Westerns Greatest Hits. Love that John Denver. Thank God he's a "Country Boy".

Thank God.

Gods' personal playmates, Pop N Fresh and Endora have a sheet howdy(!) knee slapper for you if you just never go to sleep. Or if you sleep with one eye open. Recommended. Trust.

Seems in someplace Ohio real early in the morning P&E are up at the crack of dawn (and hoping you've been smoking some) and telling this gutbuster of a joke.

Now, these two rightwing oil drillers walk into a campaign. One says to the other ,"I'm the biggest liar on earth. I was for the bridge to nowhere before I was against it. " The other says "no young whippersnapper, I'm the biggest liar on earth and quite possibly, right after George Bush, the biggest liar in the U NEE VERSE! I said I was against the Short Bus Bush tax cuts for years until I was for it. Beat that!"

Hmm, they both got a sly lear on their faces. Sorta like a pit bull that has killed a small household pet.

The two of them put their heads together. From within came a scathingly brilliant idea.

"What will we do with this idea Endora?" said the pudgy white one.

"Rule the world Pop! Rule the word!"

Endora put on her lipstick and headed towards the podium on this EARLY morning in Ohio.

Oops! Forgot Pudgy. "Pop honey, could I see you over here for a second?" Endora smiled that smile she always gave a wolf before her helicopter dove down on it for her to get a good shot from her assault rifle. After all, they're Gods creatures. As a christian, it's only right that their last vision is a smile. "Listen Pop, you're gonna need to keep up. We got a lie, uh, narrative to sell." Endora stuck her hand in Pop N Fresh and found the lever for the mouth. "Ok, scorched earth bitches, let's get to prevaricating! USA! USA! USA!"

Before Pop knew what was happening he was telling the lie of lies! The mothership of lies! The I love you Brett Michaels lie of holy Roman lies!

"We must concentrate on renewable and alternative forms of fuel! I know this, you know this. We will create American jobs! We republicans care about the environment and want a green planet!" At this point Pop N Fresh felt what he was sure was bile rising in his throat.

Endore was flexing her hand. She had a cramp.

Bother.

After about an hour of this bizarre, yet strangely affective if you're stupid, lie Pop stepped down and Endora proceeded to lay napalm across the newly Green Republican earth. "We must drill everywhere! Now! They hate us everywhere! USA! USA!USA! We must kill! Kill! Kill! Except, of course, for Gods gifts to us, the babies. Unborn up till birth we must protect them from the Satanist non-believing Democrats. At birth, whatever. We must Kill! them if they don't come from good christian families and end up in jail. Jesus said protect little angels in the womb. But Jesus also said, 'Thou must have the right of capital punishment to kill wrongly convicted persons and the mentally challenged who cannot get the representation they were promised in the courts.' Yes, Jesus said we must kill." USA! USA! USA!

The really outrageous lie was not only working. It was being embraced in a giant flag.

"We pulled it off Pop", Endora took her hand out of Pops back.

"Where am I? I could have sworn I heard someone saying the craziest shit" Pop N Fresh stammered. "I thought I said I was for reform instead of, well, everything I believe in. Or say I do. Oh, Endora, I'm so confused. What is going on?" Pop stood in the middle of the road as everyone rushed to their SUVs.

"You're running for President in a land of stupid people." Endora spat out that pat of butter which hadn't melted during the lie.

Endora wiped the dough off of her hand, got into her armored SUV and sped off. She put on more lipstick as she ordered the driver loudly and sharply, "Tod! Hell! And step on it!"

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

POLLS! WHAT POLLS?


The latest polls show Pop N Fresh in a statistical dead heat or leading Barack Obama in the race for POTUS.

Bother.

Have any of you ever been polled? More importantly, how many of you even have landlines anymore?

I don't.

I'm voting for Obama.

How many young people do you know that have landlines? Uh, "dude, what's a landline? Oh, yeah, my Granma has one of those! Dude, that's SO WAY retro! Cool."

Now, I aint one to talk, but, how many of my people got landlines?

I'm just saying.

Unless you polling on Boost you missin' a whole lot of Negroes. "Where you at? Who you votin' for?"

Who are my people voting for?

I'm just saying.

IF NOTHING ELSE, I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR MY FRIENDS!


SANDYNISTA: why does every boy i date want to be in a relationship with me! why don't they just want to have a one night stand?!
Sent at 2:33 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: have you ever had crabs? have you ever had jock itch? do you know how to tell them apart?
Sent at 2:35 PM on Tuesday
me: lol I LOVE YOU GRASSHOPPER! Which order do you want the answers to?
SANDYNISTA: just give me your wisdom
Sent at 2:56 PM on Tuesday
me: ok, crabs first. You know when you have crabs, they move. They actually look like little tiny crabs. Think all you can't eat at red lobster.
SANDYNISTA: gross, maybe it's jock itch
Sent at 2:58 PM on Tuesday
me: second, jock itch and it's ugly cousin, scabies are totally a different sitch. They both itch but scabies is just ugly. Jock itch is sorta flaky , Scabies is ugly. Both need to be taken care of right away. Pee on yourself for jockitch or try over the counter. Scabies, get to a doctor, yuk!
Sent at 3:00 PM on Tues
SANDYNISTA: yeah, i'm sorta peeling, and i had athletes feet so maybe it just jock itch
how the hell do you get scabies!?
me: On the BF thing. Chalk it up to your charm and innate sense of style. Why wouldn't someone want to date you? you're smart, relatively cute and tall. You speak 2 1/2 languages and, under my tutelage know the difference between Kenneth Cole and Prada.
Scabies is from being on nasty sheets. Anything you wanna talk about?
Sent at 3:02 PM on Tuesday
me: Back to the bf thing. Keep two personal profiles. One, for coffee and those awful indie movies you like dates. The other is "I just want to bang 'till the break of dawn". One get's a face pic. The other gets a pic of your best assets. You decide which is which.
SANDYNISTA: pee on yourself? what kinda bruja shit is that?
me: It's a fact! Peeing on yourself can cure some crazy shit. Athletes foot for instance. You should pee on your feet (in the shower) ever so often if you're not wearing socks. I swear.
peeing on your crotch is called watersports. I assume you've already been there.
Sent at 3:05 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: hmm, i guess the guys who see my best asset on a4a are hardly ever the kinda guys i want to sleep with, because they are not the kind of guys i'd like to date-you know, it's all interconnected for me:)
me: Then what's your damage Heather?
SANDYNISTA: i want to sleep with the kind of guys i want to date. but i don't want to date them
Sent at 3:09 PM on Tuesday
me: Oh. Hmm. I get it. Then use the search link at a4a and put in that you want the kind of guys who is an open relationship. Make sure you check the part about drug usage as well. Why? Because if a guy is in a relationship and does some form of drugs, he's usually only in it to get banged before he comes down and needs to get home to hubby.
Sent at 3:11 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: i'm always gled to hear your perspective, because it is certainly different. i guess what i'm trying to get to is that i want to sleep with smart, funny, cute, trustworthy men (the kind i'd hopefully date) but that it is almost impossible to find because they all want to be with a boyfriend
Sent at 3:14 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: ......relatively cute?!!!
me: I'm so confused my head is hurting. I thought I laid (hehe) that one out. Aim at guys already in a relationship. Warning! Those are ALWAYS the guys you fall in love with and they aint never gonna leave hubby and the Audi wagon.
Aiyee! It took you that long to pick up on relatively! Mija, you're slipping!
Sent at 3:16 PM on Tuesday
SANDYNISTA: i see....
Sent at 3:18 PM on Tuesday
me: Moral of the story is this: Never screw anyone with a backpack or at the Olive Motel. Always screw married guys. Never fall in love. Avoid German station wagons. Anything else?
SANDYNISTA: i think i got it. i miss my pig
me: ME TOO!


MICHAEL STEELE TELLS LGBT FOLK, "A CHANGE IS COMING"


I met one of my heroes in Denver outside of the Convention hall.

And Lanny Davis was there too.

Michael Steele is the former Lt. Governor Of Maryland. He's the first Black person to have that pretty impressive gig. He's probably the best looking Black Republican you will ever lay your eyes on.

By far.

I asked Mr. Steele ("Steele, Michael Steele") what's up with the republican party and the LGBT folks in this country? When will the republican party join the rest of the civilized world and accept Gays as full party members and citizens?

He told me, "hang in there, a change is gonna come, a change is gonna come."

He smiled the most incredible smile at me and I could only hope he was telling me the truth.

Actually, I don't care.

Just keep smiling Lt. Governor Steele, I'll even believe the republicans might.....WHOA! I almost fell for it!

WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, OTHER FOLKS HAVE OPINIONS TOO




If you have paid any attention to this blog, you know that I am a nut for hearing every point of view.

I had some really great people donate to me for my trip to Denver. One of the first to step up was Lois. She was (and is) a Hillary Supporter. She not only gave me money, she gave me a gift card so that I could eat while I was there. You caint say bad 'bout Lo to me! Lois is a Native American and lifelong Democrat.

I asked all my donors before I left for their opinions on the race. After returning, I decided before I published their pre Denver thoughts I should check back in with them on how they felt after the convention.

Here's Lois.

BEFORE:

Lois met me at the Palms. And we sat for about an hour discussing politics and the election season. she made it clear "none of my money is to go to Obama!"

Of course, as the loyalist of the Hillary loyalists I had no problem saying it would not be a problem keeping that promise. This was before my time spent in the hypocrisy of Camp Hillary.

Lois had a litany of complaints against Obama. First and foremost she didn't feel he was qualified to be President. She felt his time spent with Reverend Wright showed a basic lack of good judgement. She also had huge issues with his past. His original election where he had his opponents removed by legal challenges (including his Black female mentor) irked her and pointed out a deception in his claims to be a "new kind of politician."

Lois REALLY had issues with the MSMs treatment of Hillary Clinton. As do I. She felt that MSNBC was the worst in it's sexist slant against Mrs. Clinton. She adamantly wanted the Hillary delegates counted fully and fairly (we know how that went) and felt that as a lifelong Dem she deserved that much.

After the convention, I sent a questionaire out to the donors. Here's Lois' response.

1/ What was your opinion of Governor Palin before the speech/Good

2/ Did the speech change your opinion of her? Yes.
3/ Did your decision on who you will vote for change because of the speech? Yes.

4/ What is your opinion of the speech? Great!

5/ Should the Democrats worry about Governor Palin now, after her speech? Yes

6/ Governor Palin made quite a few comments in a sardonic way about Barack Obamas qualifications to be President. Did any of those comments hit him "where it hurts"? Yes! I wish Hillary could've been so brash about the fake O.

7/ How should the Dems respond to the Governors speech? Tell the truth about themselves.

8/ Does the Palin families personal troubles/issues matter to you and if so why? No, not my business. I voted for Bill Clinton even after knowing of his affairs. It was all about the country and my wallett.

9/ Are the families of the candidates off limits? Yes. However some have enquiring minds and must know, and, well, so-be-it, it is game!

10/ Is Cindy McCains personal fortune off limits? No. Although, we already know of her wealth, it will be redundant.

11/ Since she has been a forceful campaigner for Senator Obama, is she off limits? Michelle, is not off limits! Her mouth always drags her back into the fray! (if that is who you are talking about).

12/ Best part of Governor Palins' speech? Her strength, her love of country, and mostly, her ability to not run away from who she is.

13/ Worst part? Saw none. Except that maybe she could have given us a little more on her war opinions.

14/ Will Hillary Clinton backers now switch over to McCain? I don't know, but I will!!

JOETTA BROWN: A CLEAR VOICE FOR THE PEOPLE OF RURAL NEVADA


I'm a political groupie. There, I said it.

The best part for me personally, in Denver was that I got to meet so many political stars (and Star Jones!). I was especially impressed by the women of the Democratic party.

SHELLEY BERKLEY IS MY TOTAL FAVORITE EVER!

I also am a huge fan of our Atty General Catherine Cortez Masto and her future "first lady" hubby.

I came away from a luncheon on the last day of the convention head over heels for a lady from rural Gardnerville in Douglass county up north. She lives on her own little 2 1/2 acre swath of heaven in Gardnerville. She sits on the planning commission (the first Democrat ever to hold that position) and is running for the Assembly District 39 as a fiscal conservative with an eye to profitable, yet, sensible development for her district.

Joetta Brown and her husband retired to Gardnerville after originally intending to re-locate to the Lake Tahoe area. A friend suggested she and her husband look into rural Gardnerville. They looked around and loved the land and the people of northern Nevada. They settled in and became active members of the community.

"Gardenerville has fantastic views and a great sense of community, I wanted to be involved." After 30 years as a banker Joetta was ready for a slower pace of life. She had spent a career in banking achieving such personal milestones as writing over 200 business plans that resulted in over $5 million in loans for small businesses.

"I became concerned with some of the uncontrolled development I saw happening in Douglass county. I didn't want to stop it, I know as well as anyone that we need a strong business base and smart development to enrich the lives or our community." She did, however, want to help prevent the same types of blight in the name of business that she saw in California.

"It's important that we work together with businesses and citizens to establish a long term vision for development with a goal of enriching both the business community and the life of it's citizens", Joette told me.

I can honestly say that it was refreshing to hear Joetta speak about politics from a common sense point of view.

It's so rare.

Check out her webpage and, if possible, send her a donation and a word of support.

Click on it.

NEENER NEENER NEENER!


I have been known to mention bad service occasionally. I often praise really good service to the high heavens.

I never make a huge deal out of bad service because of a little rule I have.

NEVER MESS WITH SOMEBODY'S RENT MONEY!

You see, you might, through your complaints get someone fired. As a member of the financially challenged club, I know that losing your job can start a ball rolling that could affect a lot more than your cold pork chop.

That person who gave you horrible service might be having a bad day. They might have a mom who just got diagnosed with the plague or some shit. Most importantly, they might have innocent kids who don't deserve to worry about where their next meal is gonna come from because Mom's a bitch or Dad's an asshole. So I try to keep my criticisms constructive.

BUT YESTERDAY ALL THAT WENT OUT THE WINDOW!

Dick Morris' Bitch, Keith Olberman, got totally demoted! And strange Bromancer Chris Matthews went down with him!

Ah. Hah.

Ask any former or current Hillary supporter who they most came to hate during the primaries and I bet it won't be Bush, Rove, Obama, or Lucifer.

It will be the unholy duo of Olberman and Mathews.

Their red-faced screeds against Hillary and Bill pissed off many a Hill supporter. I was Keith-O's biggest fan until one night during the primaries when HRC had the temerity to win a contest he literally frothed at the mouth in his reaction. It was SO over the top that I had to switch channels I was so mad. It was a Limbaugh moment from depths of partisan hell. I think we do need a liberal media presence to counter the right wing media presence that has so dominated our national conversation. However, This crazy wingnut went so over the edge that I just stopped at that moment watching MSNBC. I literally turned the channel to FOX and have been there ever since. That's how bad it was!

Guess what? FOX aint as bad as we've been led to believe. The conversations seldom descend into shouting matches. I know, I'm as shocked as you! AND, they actually do present two sides of an argument. Turns out we've been lied to. I always would answer "I will never watch that network, I hate Bill O'Reilly!". Now, I had never seen Bill O'Reilly but I had been told over and over he was evil. Guess what? He's annoying but not half as much as Keith and nowhere near as annoying and blatantly icky as Chris "I get a tingle, when Obama speaks, up and down my leg" Mathews.

Chris, keep that filthy talk talk to yourself. Euww.

Well, Parent of MSNBC , NBC has finally had enough. The two have been taken off anchoring the networks political coverage! The suits got tired of it big time. They probably looked at the ratings and did a little focus grouping and found out these two were doing them no favors when it came to making friends and getting viewers. Of course, they weren't fired outright.

Their children will eat tomorrow.

CNN MAKES MY NUTS ITCH


A lot of my , how shall we say, leftist friends think I'm an undercover republican mole. I really am truly a Democrat.

However, I can't stand blowhards, hypocrites, partisans and America haters.

I believe in a womans right to choose and the right to have a full on Ak-47 if that's what you want (let's face it, guns are our last defense against the government taking away all of our liberties. White people "clinging to their guns and religion" are our best bet at beating back the Darth Cheneys' nefarious schemes to make us all slaves of Haliburton.). I think affirmative action is stupid and want legislation to ensure equal pay for equal work. Men should open doors for ladies and women totally can bone men when it comes to family court issues.

My point?

I long ago left MSNBC and CNN during the primaries. Everyday, my original choice to support Hillary Clinton was derided and insulted without fail every few minutes. If Hill won a contest she did it through racism. Or, it wasn't by enough points. If Obama won by 2 % points it was a landslide. If Hillary lost it was time for her to get out of the race. If Obama lost by a jillion points, it was time for Hillary to get out of the race. After awhile it just got too annoying to watch.

Wolf what's his name bored me to death and uber closetcase AC 360 just sat there encouraging his guest "pundits" Hillary bashing. The only bright spots were (and are) Lou Dobbs and That old coot, Jack Cafferty. I know, "republican mole". Really, I'm not.

Well, I decided to give CNN a try yesterday. OMG! It was like a meeting of the Alexander Cockburn "let's all hate America club"! Pay attention to the quotes from Micheal Malloy:

SANCHEZ: Michael?

MALLOY: It was so far over the top. On the other hand, this is what Republicans do to mock community service is what they're about. I defy anyone to show me a Republican who's ever gotten involved in community service, doesn't exist. A creature that doesn't exist. Only in fantasy.

SANCHEZ: Michael, to you now on this Afghanistan situation. This is now a disputed investigation, originally they said five to seven people civilians had been killed.

MALLOY: Right.

SANCHEZ: Now the UN is saying 90 and this video may prove them right. As we're looking at it now, it's horrific, tough to look at and we've taken out some of the really bad stuff. Your take on this.

MALLOY: I think anytime there is a bombing of civilians, which is what this was, the military, any military, U.S. military, any military is going to try to minimize their so-called collateral damage, but collateral damage in this case are children, are women noncombatants, it doesn't even matter if it was men. These are non- combatants. These are not people who want to be involved in warfare. This has happened so many times with our bombing runs, so many people have been killed, this kind of slaughter is why they hate us. It's not because we buy houses that we can't afford as George Bush said. It's because we butcher innocent civilians.

SANCHEZ: Martha, to you. You probably have something to say about that.

ZOLLER: I couldn't disagree more. You think about Haditha, how most of the original reports even a week or two out of Haditha turned out to be wrong. And the situation was not as bad as it is. This was a horrible situation we see here. But we have got to be sure before we start slinging stones that we know what the story is.

SANCHEZ: Thanks so much to both of you. I appreciate it. I know you both have very strong convictions on these. It's interests because I know you both love your country. That's why we call it dueling patriots. Michael and Martha, thanks to both of you.

DUELING PATRIOTS MY BIG FAT YELLOW DEMOCRATIC ASS!

Listen Malloy, how dare you say that republicans don't do community service? Who the fuck are you to decide that because of a persons political bent they can't have human compassion? If I'm not mistaken a lot of right wingers swear all Democrats are a bunch of Saab driving, Latte drinking, fey, baby killers. Most of that isn't true. Most. I am quite sure thousands of social organizations around the world are supported by republicans and Democrats.

We Dems have to really watch ourselves. We're becoming everything we hated about the republicans for the last eight years. We don't allow other viewpoints (you question our nominee, you're a racist ,or, a "repug troll") and we assume that we are the chosen ones who will bring light and honey to the land. Sure, we hope we'll govern better than the republicans, however, history has shown us that once in power we can be just as venal and corrupt as the worst republicans. We don't hold the franchise on purity that's for sure.

On to the sitch in Afghanistan. maybe those women and children were killed because the cowards who attacked us did so from behind the Bhurkas of the women they regularly beat and throw acid in the faces of. Maybe their rocket launchers were placed next to their sons' Teddy Bears in the kids bedroom. Maybe just maybe they used their civilians as human shields or, even worse, as PR deaths. Why wouldn't Americans attack a position that had fired on them?

According to Malloy the world hates us because we have houses we can't afford or eat at Mcdonalds when the rest of the world is starving.

Guess what? Fuck the rest of the world. Look at every impoverished nation. What do you see? Corruption. You see elites who enslave their own fellow citizens and treat them like animals. Peep Africa. Personally, I say other than medical help we let Africa sink or swim on it's own. I worked for Nigerians for awhile. They were the wives of the very top officials. I was treated like a special pet. Their own maids, etc., were beaten and treated like shit. They spent more money than even the Saudi Royal family did ( I worked for Princess Bandar until Sept 11, btw, they flew out the next day. Don't tell me no one flew that day, I drove them to the airport and saw the last plane leave.). I also have worked for several African Delegations from dirt poor countries. Somehow, they all had Benzes and hookers on demand. These are countries that had sent them to ask for more aid!

And don't get me started on Mexico!

I , honestly, am a full on Democrat, however, even my gay ass gets sick of the America bashing that I constantly see coming from the MSM and places like MOVEON and HUFFPOST. It seems to me no better than those pretty black girls who go on FOX and blather on about how horrible Democrats are. It's all an act. Those women and people like Malloy along with the poverty pimps of the innercity have branded themselves as niche products. Only problem is, their niche branding to get a paycheck just drags us as a nation into two warring camps.

I'm sick of it.

Monday, September 8, 2008

STYLIN' AINT EZ!


So the Sunday edition totally lost out to all the political stuff I had to do this weekend.

Oops!

So, here's the dealio. I'm going to launch with the help of my most stylish friends, new and old, a sister blog that will be updated every two weeks (barring fashion news like Tara Reids nipples popping out of something.).

I'll throw a notice up here to let you know what up.

We gotta a whole week of the wacky world of politics ahead of us.

Hang on! Shut up! Look pretty!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

FUCK PROJECT RUNWAY! I'M PROJECT REALITY!


Former "door worker"at Studio 54, now mucho caliente fashion designer, Maggie Barry, has been my friend and often styleguide for 20yrs as of this summer (OH. MY. GAWD CHANDLER BING!) . Of course, we met as really fashionable pre-schoolers at BabyBar in East L.A..

Don't remember it?

Pity.

I had the chance to be regaled by La Barry yesterday on the eve of L.A.'s Fashion Week (which, by the way, is the only real fashion week in the U.S. outside of NYC. Raaahly Dahling, how long before they do Duluth Fashion Week?). My how time flies, I remember Maggies' tour de force at the first fashion week. Well, sort of. It might have been in a loft or a parking lot or maybe I wasn't there ('ludes, sweetie, 'ludes.).

Bother.

So, as always, Maggie had a great story abouit her encounter with the (blech) "FASHIONISTAS" at Project Runway. You know Project Runway don't you? Of course you do. It's that show that used to be really good but now should be replaced by "Boyle Heights Cholos" ( now there's a show that will have Lauren Conrad running for The Hills!). Project Runways' supposed premise is taking unknown designers and making them known. Known. To fags and middle aged "Hipsters" with flat screen TVs mounted on the wall where a decent Nagel print should be.

Google as you read, it makes my job much easier.

What the hell was I on about?

Maggie! Project Runway!

K, Project Runway revels in such "design challenges" as sending it's "quirky" contestants out into the world to buy everyday things such as grocery store items to fashion into evening gowns for leperous one legged Latvian midget half breed drag queen hookers who hate the color marigold.

Or some such thing.

The show started out pretty cool. It's hostess is former Nazi Heidi something. The "judges" are a bunch of middleaged fashion death row "dead idea talking" types. There's some chick named Nina from some magazine they sell next to mints in the checkout line, some old wrinkly guy, who I guess was big in Japan in the 80's (but so was I. Google my ads for GoGo Yubari sweaty sportdrink) and guest "celebrity" judges like Sheena Easton. I wish.

As they say in cliche land, the show recently "jumped the shark" when they picked that annoying little hair hopper, Christian ("FIERCE!") instead of major league real fashion designer and total hunk Rami Kashou. Of course, Christian ("FIERCE!") is exactly what America wants in it's fags.

So. There.

In walks Maggie (who, btw, was dealing with these nattering nabobs of negativety and running a major editorial shoot at the same time.) who procedes to explain the real world of fashion to them.

Maggie made it all the way to the end when that mouth of hers decided it had had enough of this pretentious bunch of mid level execs at whatever network this travestie del moda is on. It seems this bunch of "fashionistas" (btw, if you are a fashionista then you're not a fashionista.) had the utter temerity to question La Barry on her credentials as a designer, A "real" designer.

Holy watch the bile flowing at warp speed Batman!

"If you design something, make it and someone buys it, you're a designer".

What?

Of course how Maggie ever made it to the finals with her rapier tongue and total fag sense of wordplay is beyond moiself. When she told me she had tried out I just assumed she meant as a judge. What was I thinking? That would have meant moving the show into a warehouse/afterhours club with an area for fashion tot dj's to sleep off their Flinstone baby meds freakouts.

How cool would that be?

So, these bilious barnacles of mediocrity start grilling Maggie with such questions as: "do you really think your line can be worn on the Red Carpet (which, btw, is the be all and end all of every non-fashion persons' knowledge of "fashion". If Tara Reids' nasty little nipples fell out of it on the Red Carpet at the opening of the Glendale Olive Garden it must be "fashion" Not to mention, "Fierce!".

"The Red Carpet is more than the entrance to the Golden Globes!", Maggie said with just a hint of exasperation in her voice,"my clothes walk the Red Carpet into the MTV awards and the Bet Awards!" "Golden Globes!?!, my shit is a schizophrenic hodgepodge of Rock&Roll, Fashion and SEX!". You either get it or you don't!"

Amen, sister gurl mama!

Let's make sure you aint twisted. I always rely on Maggie Barry To get me through any styling conundrum. I had to give America Ferrera some clothes to take on her first big press junket to Sundance. Now, America is fucking gorgeous, but, she aint no size -2/5. I never doubted that Maggies Clothes would work on her. America gave you you titties AND ass in Maggie. AND it was tasteful and hot! Everyone from Tina Turner to David Lee Roth to Cher and Lenny Kravitz have rocked her shiznit! In addition, Eva Longoria and any starlet worth her (I was) Miss Tulsa sash has worked the Barry on the Red and Black carpets. Recently I was watching E! (fuck you! I wanna be a Kardashian! The big one, not Kim) and Niecy from Fresno 911 of all people had on Maggie. They made a two commercial thing out it as Niecy tried to reach her stylist (yeah, Niecy got a stylist, what you got?) to find out who had designed her dress. Note to Maggie: Design a discrete "go to" for the fashion clueless but cute.

Maggie has been featured in Vogue, Bazaar, THE NEW YORK TIMES!, and gawd only knows how many editorials around the world. Honestly, Maggies work for MAJOR rock stars has reached audiences far wider than the latest Belgian, non-fat soy latte pretendabe's., so how Dare THE CUZIES ON PROJECT EVEN DARE QUESTIONS HER FASHION CREDENTIALS!?!

YOU BITCHES GAVE THE WORLD CHRISTIAN! AND "FIERCE!" BOW DOWN TO THE GODDESS, YOU TAKE HOME AN BRAVO/LIFETIME PAYCHECK TO YOUR STUPID MID-CENTURY APARTMENT JUST NORTH OF SANTA MONICA BLVD IN WEST HOLLYWOOD WORM SMEGMAS!

But, I digress.

Whew! Sometimes, I get a little carried away when it comes to clothes. Witness my obsession with quirky shoes and bright colors.

Let me tell you something. To this day I have a 20yr old Maggie Barry faux leather crocodile vest with a straight edge closure across my chest. My "Silverlake" ltd edition T-shirt with metal grommets still gets me laid (or used to, sorry Edgar V.)! It's falling apart so rock&roll that Pete Dougherty asked me to join Babyshambles ( I SO would have, but, I, for the life of me, can't remember the recipe for crack. Fuck!)! Do not question Maggie Barry and her bonafides fashiones around me.

Ok, get this. Maggie is working on the coolest stuff right now.

Stop. Did I mention Project Runway passed on Maggie? Quelle Surprise. That's French for, WHATEVER. Like Maggie said, "anybody can sit in a cubicle designing shirt collars all day, that's not fashion." Nor is finding new uses for garbage bags and lettuce.

I'm just saying.

Anyways (by the way, I went to "champagne" brunch with Gigantor today. FUCK!), Maggie is not only coming out with a new shoe line, she's also teamed up with legendary hat designer to the Hollywood studios, Baron Hats, for a new line of killer hats. In addition Miss Attention Deficit has launched her own cult perfume line (youtube her, DAMN do I have to do EVERYTHING?) and she has a line of , GET THIS, what she described as "Drag Queen dresses in a bag!" Ok, I'm not sure what the fuck she was talking about (how rarely I am), but, I know if it's Maggie, it's gotta be good!

Secret. Secret. Don't leak it.

Fo get dat! Maggie recently completed a top secret editorial for an online magazine that's actually the fictional magazine of a show that's returning from hiatus soon.

Huh?

Hints: Lipstick. A big fire. Obama! Obama!Obama! Cindy Crawford. Dead hot Celebrity. Figure it out on your own.

AND on 13 October 2008 (how very Euro of me) Maggie is presenting her most over the top fashion extravaganza for Fashion Week. It's going to be a Rock&Roll "Victorian Circus Orientale"!

You don't know what that means, but, I do. Trust. Fab.

Go to www.maggiebarry.com and BEG for tix! Tell Miss Barry I said she must admit you! Of course, she may laugh at you without remorse. But, hey.

Btw, did I mention Maggie Barry is a family affair? Long before Angelina got Brad (Jennifer Aniston. Poor Bitch.) Maggie had married the hottest, tallest hunk of banyan tree and produced two way cooler than those Pax and Zahara kids. In addition, her sister Carolyn is the glue that holds crazy together. And me. At my lowest Carolyn was always there to say, "it will get better."

I love me some Carolyn.

I'm such a white girl, I'm ALL weepy.

Go! To Maggies' site and drown in her munifecence (is that spelled right or even used in the right context?)!

NOW!

HANG IN THERE THE SUNDAY EDITION IS COMING! GO COUNT GAY MARRIAGEADS IN THE NEW YORK TIMES TILL IT'S HERE

re
I just got back from the Human Rights Campaign Gala at Mandalay Bay here in Las Vegas. Las Vegas may be the city that really never sleeps , but, this bitch needs some shuteye.

Check back with me in a few hours to check out the following and much more:

Craig Curtis gives advice on how to turn a gentlemans' trick in Bellingham.

I have a rollicking interview with designer Maggie Barry.

Hear all about the HRC shindig.

See the most fabulous political t-shirt EVER!

Check out the best magazines you should actually buy instead of reading online and music you download instead of buying.

And a bunch of other stuff.

I need my passout.

Nite!

Friday, September 5, 2008

I ALWAYS WAKE UP AT THE CRACK OF ICE


This Sunday will be unveiling of The Sunday Edition.

Cue really self important Blogger Muzak.

Basically, it's a break from the world of crazy , not very well dressed people. The Sunday Edition (ok, even I'm way guffawing over the THE of it all!) will be focused on all the other stuff.

Fashion, cars, gadgets, you know, stuff you spend Moo-la Rouge on. Those of us who are broke-ass scrubs can live, through the internets, the lifestyles of the rich and famous. And I'm not talking about Puff-y-lo Doody. Money can't buy me love nor can it lead a Hor ta Culture.

Also, I know everything there is to know about, well, everything. From guys to the going rate for Latvian twink hookers in Dubai. Got any questions you want answered? Feel free to find out the truth (or a very reasonable mis-truth.) by asking what you want to know.

If I don't know the answer I bet my BFF Nelson Tunon does. He taught me everything I know about fashioning various inplements from aluminum foil.

And then there's Craig Curtis, author of "FABULOUS HELL" and "Only in Bellingham" blogger, not to mention the worlds' youngest curmudgeon. Not to mention. If it has to do with booze, boys or how to burn someone's forearm with a ciggy for maximum affect, Craig's your guy!

I swear.

Check it out and give a little love!

BABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE, I'LL HAVE A HOT TODDY!


As a total jr. fagela, I remember President Fords son, Jack. He was a blonde total stoner hunk! You just know that he sat in the East Room WAY baked while Betty jiggled the cocktail shaker groovin' to "Kung Fu Fighting" eating vanilla ice cream and Grapenuts (one of these days I'm so totally gonna write "The Stoners' Guide to the Munchies".).

Jimmy Carters family included white trash brother, Billy. I wouldn't have screwed Billy with Ann Coulters' dick.

Or yours.

There really weren't any hotties in the White House until that Mexican white boy showed up during the Bush 1 years. You know the one. Sorta Mario Lopez with no clue as to where his mojo (or crotch) was. He was a nephew or shirtless Weho total fantasy gardener or something (Yeah yeah, racist. Atzlan por vida! I get it.).

The Gore babes were ,well, girls. I can't really say I cared. Of course the son was sorta good. I mean, anyone who can roll a joint with one hand while driving his Beemer drunk is really boyfriend material in my world (Just kidding Edgar V.).

The Clintons. Have you ever been in a room with Big Willy? I have. Dude, I would SO put on a thong.

That brings us up to Short Bus Bush.

He's got two kids. Jenna, his drunken, girl gone wild and her brother. Barbara.

Not so much.

And then along comes Sara and my BF du jour, HOT TODDY PALIN!

Can I get a WOO WOO?!

Hot Toddy is a hunka hunka burnin' love! If there's a Got im Himmel there's shirtless pics of him somewhere on the internets just waiting for my lips to hit the screen of my laptop (Heh. Heh. I said Laptop!).

AND HE'S A CHAMPION SNOW MACHINE RACER!

I don't even know what that is but I'm calling Big Willy to get my thong back. He's like a Falcon Video pack on a long tweaked out weekend!

I would totally go all republican on him.

I would WAY do him but his wife, Endora, would beat my ass.

Really beat my ass.

In the street.

In front of my neighbors.

In broad daylight.

On a Sunday.

On her way to church.

I love you Hot Toddy! But, it will never work.

I'm afraid. Very afraid.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

POP-N-FRESH GIVES A SPEECH. MINNETONKA GOES WILD (WELL SORTA. OK. NOT REALLY. ALLRIGHT. NOT AT ALL)


I love that Barbra Jean on Reba.

Reba is my new favorite show I never watched when it first came on but now watch at least twice a day in syndication.

Reba Mcyntire plays Reba. She and her dentist ex husband are held together by their mutual love for their kids. Her eldest daughter Cheyenne is a teenage, pregnant cheerleader (hmm) who has married her bf Van, who is the high school football quarterback (hmm). There is a smart mouthed, red haired, minx of a little sister, Keira, and a little FHA (Future Homo of America) brother whose name I don't really care about.

The glue that holds the show together is Barbra Jean, played by Melissa Peterman, she's a blond, dufus Amazon who has never seen a pratfall she won't take or a funny face she won't mug. Barbra Jean is Reba's ex hubbys' dental hygenist. She's also his pregnant new wife who Brock (Rebas ex) cheated on Reba with. "BJ" actually is so clueless that she thinks the reason the two families have blended together is because of her! "Reba, isn't this wonderful? I mean all of us being together is because of me. After all if I hadn't slept with your husband, we wouldn't all be together and we wouldn't be best friends!"

Ha. Ha.

I love Barbra Jean.

Oh C'mon, you DIDN"T REALLY think I was going to endure Pop-N-Fresh's dodder in Minnetonka did you?

I mean, like I'm supposed to sleep through that just so that you could awaken to my pithy comments? Lord child, I don't know you like that. And, no, pithy is not pissy with a lisp. If you want to know what Pop-N-Fresh said, go beat off to the Fox News 24 hr orgiastic loop that I'm sure is playing.

I wouldn't have watched it even if the Log Cabin Republicans were doing the half time show in Bitch Boots and Dorothy Hamill haircuts singing Kate Smith vs Ciara mashups.

Actually.........

RE: BARACKS 4YR LD SECRET WEAPON

The little girls mom and dad requested I remove the post involving her.

I hope they keep up her political education.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOCKY MOM AND A PITBULL? LIPSTICK.


Be afraid, be very afraid.

Uh Oh. Sara Palin blew into Minnetonka tonite like a big noise from Winnetka ,and, as the Brooklyn Queens would say, "Miss Thing surved it to the children!"

Whatever you (and the idiot pundits on Larry King Live , btw, Larry King "Live", is that not an oxymoron?) and I may think of this gun totin', baby factory, she's badass!

Like the spite child of Anastasia Beaverhausen and Suzanne Sugarbaker, Palin comes at you with her AK-47 on spew. "Hockey mom" my ass. I watched Governor Palin tear us a new one and I honestly didn't know whether to hide under the sheets or shout "you go you bad bitch!". She is a total Bitch. And I mean that in the best way possible. I'm talking Endora level Bitch. Somewhere in hell Bette Davis and Joan Crawford have finally found something they can agree on, Sara Palin is the new Uber-Bitch!

And guess what? That's exactly why she's the biggest threat we face in the upcoming election. She makes Darth Cheney look like a castrated Laura Ingraham.

God, is there a chainsaw big enough for that job?

I digress.

Palin let our candidate have it over and over. I hope that when Obama responds to her speech he brings a blade. A long, really sharp blade. Actually, Barack, you might want to make real nicey with Hillary for this one. Send her out with orders to slice and dice. Really. Hill is the only one who has the huevos grande to go up against this one.

Sorry Joe Biden. This is a big boys fight.

Godzilla vs. Mothra.

I have to go to bed. Warily. I might have to wash some Percs down with a box of Night Train to make it past the night sweats that this Veterana is gonna give me.

I've sent out the following questions. When I wake up (under my bed screaming) I will post any responses I get throughout the day.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

JUST A FEW QUESTIONS


1/ What was your opinion of Governor Palin before the speech/

2/ Did the speech change your opinion of her?

3/ Did your decision on who you will vote for change because of the speech?

4/ What is your opinion of the speech?

5/ Should the Democrats worry about Governor Palin now, after her speech?

6/ Governor Palin made quite a few comments in a sardonic way about Barack Obamas qualifications to be President. Did any of those comments hit him "where it hurts"?

7/ How should the Dems respond to the Governors speech?

8/ Does the Palin families personal troubles/issues matter to you and if so why?

9/ Are the families of the candidates off limits?

10/ Is Cindy McCains personal fortune off limits?

11/ Since she has been a forceful campaigner for Senator Obama, is Michelle Obama off limits?

12/ Best part of Governor Palins' speech?

13/ Worst part?

14/ Will Hillary Clinton backers now switch over to McCain?

15/ Did she make you pee your pants, just a little?