Friday, September 5, 2008


As a total jr. fagela, I remember President Fords son, Jack. He was a blonde total stoner hunk! You just know that he sat in the East Room WAY baked while Betty jiggled the cocktail shaker groovin' to "Kung Fu Fighting" eating vanilla ice cream and Grapenuts (one of these days I'm so totally gonna write "The Stoners' Guide to the Munchies".).

Jimmy Carters family included white trash brother, Billy. I wouldn't have screwed Billy with Ann Coulters' dick.

Or yours.

There really weren't any hotties in the White House until that Mexican white boy showed up during the Bush 1 years. You know the one. Sorta Mario Lopez with no clue as to where his mojo (or crotch) was. He was a nephew or shirtless Weho total fantasy gardener or something (Yeah yeah, racist. Atzlan por vida! I get it.).

The Gore babes were ,well, girls. I can't really say I cared. Of course the son was sorta good. I mean, anyone who can roll a joint with one hand while driving his Beemer drunk is really boyfriend material in my world (Just kidding Edgar V.).

The Clintons. Have you ever been in a room with Big Willy? I have. Dude, I would SO put on a thong.

That brings us up to Short Bus Bush.

He's got two kids. Jenna, his drunken, girl gone wild and her brother. Barbara.

Not so much.

And then along comes Sara and my BF du jour, HOT TODDY PALIN!

Can I get a WOO WOO?!

Hot Toddy is a hunka hunka burnin' love! If there's a Got im Himmel there's shirtless pics of him somewhere on the internets just waiting for my lips to hit the screen of my laptop (Heh. Heh. I said Laptop!).


I don't even know what that is but I'm calling Big Willy to get my thong back. He's like a Falcon Video pack on a long tweaked out weekend!

I would totally go all republican on him.

I would WAY do him but his wife, Endora, would beat my ass.

Really beat my ass.

In the street.

In front of my neighbors.

In broad daylight.

On a Sunday.

On her way to church.

I love you Hot Toddy! But, it will never work.

I'm afraid. Very afraid.


JACK said...

I prefer the like of you to the likes of him. But to each his own.

And re: the wife ... why is she so scary? I don't get it. She got a lot of lip, but she can't hang in the streets, I assure you. She'd cower from a physical altercation. But not Michelle - I think Michelle would DRAG HER ASS all up and down the Alaskan coastline. said...

Oh see, you had to go and add Michelle into the mix!

Ok, we both know Miss O would get some vaseline, have somebody hold her earrings and commence to beat the bejesus outta me if I tried to push up on Barry!

But, my dear friend, a white girl will cut your ass up, leave you in the woods and call channel 7 to cry on the six o'clock.

They scare me way more.

Btw, blush.

JACK said...

mmmm, a blushing black man ....


But anyway - what I meant was Michelle v. Sarah. Not v. YOU. Michelle will beat the fuck right out that White woman. She Ivy League, but from Chicago's south side. That's REFINED ghetto - but ghetto nevertheless.

*wink* said...

I can't stop laughing!

JACK said...

my work here is done ...