LUIS GONZALEZ DOESN'T LIKE SCARY MOVIES!

My Great Grandmother, the late great Sarah Watts, always said that you should never call anyone "ugly".

All people are God's creations and God don't make ugly.

Ugly people were "as cute as they could be".

I probably should not have let you in on that in case I ever refer to you, your BF, kid or Mom with the phrase "as cute as they can be".

I'm just saying.

In my group of friends ("My Bitchez") we have all types.

There's Elliott aka "Gawdzeera" who's all "woe is me, I'm in love with (yet another) damaged Black guy. Love him to pieces and this latest one better not hurt him or I will go all Jill Scott on him!

"You're getting in the way of what I'm feelin'"

His nemesis, T "Gigantor" Justin who's all huge kid wrapped in angst with a soupcon of OCD (that's French for "that Negro is crazy!").

Gilles who's French or something ( I never understand anything he says, he might be from Warziristan for all I know)

AJ, our Dean Martinesque import from Little India.

"Hot" AJ, who's nickname is the Bete Noir of the other AJ's existence (ok, Bete Noir is Frog for "I hate that little bitch being called "Hot AJ!")

Jeez, if I charged $50 for all the French you're learning I could stop turning tricks on the Rue De La Maryland Parkway!.

Gary, who is all muscle and hotness. If I hear one more time, "who's the hot black guy next to you?" I'll climb in a Tower with a scoped out rifle.

Ryan "Serena" Darling (that's his real name. I swear. Really) our twink from the far reaches of hell.

He's sorta me in my...who am I kidding?

I was never a twink.

Or in my twenties.

Whatever.

We also have Luis.

Think Doris Day after she became a virgin.

What?

Luis is our "nice" friend. Every group has one. You know, A "Charlotte".

A dick hungry Charlotte. But I digress.

Luis never says anything bad about anyone. Luis once told me not to refer to someone as "common". He said to refer to them as "average" or some crazy shit.

"As cute as they can be".

So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Luis answered my call for guest posts by sending me the following:

Hi amigo,

Just got back from lunch!

The scary movies I've seen are:


Friday the 13th (saw just a tiny bit)

Poltergeist

America Werewolf in London.


That was before I was 12

I never saw more after that.

I hate scary movies!

But i Love you!

Luis

MY TEETH HURT.

Really.

I swear.