Monday, October 27, 2008


I like bad tv. A lot.

I like Reba. I like Rita Rocks. I like The Two of Us (mainly cause of that fine light skinned boy who plays the bf and always has his shirt off.). I love The Game and Girlfriends (who knew Kelsey Grammar was black?).

I hate really bad TV. Especially when it makes my people look bad.

I once read Jimmy Walker the riot act in front of his white friends because not only did he gladly keep up that "DY-NO-Mite!" shit long after it was obviously embarrassing but that idiot played in Sun City at the height of the apartheid regime while Nelson Mandela was still in jail! Asshole Fuck.

I don't know what I think of Tyler Perry's movies except that we at least knows he likes fine black men and not white twinks.

I know, Tyler aint gay. Sure.



I do know that I freakin' hate that Tyler Perry tv show, House of Pain. It's got everything that we black folk see and cringe about except a watermelon patch out back and a greasy cuzin name Cleotus. But, of course, it's still early.

There's a fat Mammy and her stupid fat asshole of a husband. There's some kids that aint got mommas. See, in Tyler's world it's the women who have the issues. In this show the absent baby momma is a crackhead. Par for the course. But at least two of the men are fine ass light skin brothers (did I mention Ty has a thing for the yellow boys. I know. Tyler aint gay.).

I REALLY hate D L Hughley Breaks The News (and my patience), it's possibly the worst "news" show on tv.


D L (is that short for "down low"?) Hughley is one of those black people that white people like a whole lot more than black people. His tv show "The Hughleys" was a high moment in low rent tv. He played an asshole who white people thought of as a Black Archie Bunker. We just thought he was lame. His whole act is based on being a black man abused by America while he lives behind gates in some San Fernando Valley suburb.

He gets on my last damn nerve.

In addition, he was the only unfunny one on the Kings of Comedy tour.

The only one.

How Bernie let this man anywhere near a stage with him and Ced is beyond me.


So, CNN (and all of other channels) have graciously decided to show more diversity in their choice of pundits and anchors etc..

"Ok, Brent it seems the black guy might be the one. We got no coloreds around here. We're going to need to get a few." No problem, it was about time.

They got T J Holmes. OOOH CHILE HE IS FINE! And smart and erudite and my next husband. They got a bunch of other Negroes whose checks depend on them referring to Black people as "African Americans". Fine.

Then someone had the truly fucked up idea to have a Black "The Daily Show".

Ok, look. Black people is funny. If they had got Kat Williams to do the show it would be hilarious. Of course it would also have to come on at like 3am. Every other word would be the N word or an F bomb, however, it would have been funny.

D L Hughley's show is like watching a high school close circuit tv show.

"Hi, I'm Fleta Gray and you're watching Edgewood High TV". Today Coach Agatep got yet another cheerleader pregnant. The coach announced this from Las Vegas where he and Head Cheerleader Sandy Pill got married. This is the coach's third marriage. Three's a charm! Today the lunchroom is serving "Atsa My Turkey" and Fish Sticks. Yum!"

Actually that would be more interesting.

D L evidently has never seen a teleprompter before. He reads his lines in a bizarre way, like he is reading his lines for the first time.No one could get him a script the night before. He always seems to be waiting for the punch line and then missing it.


He pulled out all the stops by bringing on a "Pimp" Freddie Mack. Get it? Freddie Mack!

Hilar. Just scathingly hilare. I almost dropped my crack pipe it was so funny.


You see Freddie was supposed to explain the mortgage crisis.

Ah! Now you get it it.

Lucky you.

Of course Freddie somehow managed to make the mortgage crisis about how Pimpin' aint easy. The white writers must have spent all nite thinking this routine up. All nite. Because no one has ever done a black Pimp routine before.


I am sure the writers on this show are white because the stereotypes fly like mosquitoes around a fat man on hot Georgia night. Freddie fucking Mack?!? Besides, since D L aint been black for a good minute he probably never even noticed the racial insults he was perpetuating.

The worst part was the cringing interviews with CNN's back bench of overseas correspondents. They looked like they would rather be changing Pop-N-Fresh's Depends than be answering Down Low's inane questions at what looked like 4:30 in the morning wherever they were. The only bright spot was when the chick from India answered dumbasses question about who Indians wanted to be elected POTUS.She looked into the camera and deadpanned like Eve Arden in a bad Warner Brothers comedy, "They don't care." Brilliant. Brilliant and the only moment on the whole show where the audience actually had a good laugh.

The only.


I swear.

I hate this show.

I might even hate D L Hughley.


Craig Curtis said...

I get the same vibe from Tyler (I'm a Creation of Oprah) Perry. His stuff is way too stereotypical. Always thought so. However, would you ever let MERRILY L. CURTIS esq. off the hook for ATSA MY TURKEY?! For chrissake, Derek. Just because you saw that recipe pinned to the door of our Frigidaire, does not give you the right to consistently bring it up on your blog. Just because she had names for you that I shan't repeat here, doesn't make it OK to give her shit. She's now a Land Baronessa!!! And I'm fairly certain Fleta wouldn't appreciate the send up either (though it wouldn't hurt to tell your readers what she looked like in an ORANGE JULIUS uniform). As for Coach Agatep and his paramour Sandy Pill: That was never proven, and you know it. Really. I swear.

Craig said...

lol! Atsa My Turkey is the perfect representation of a certain socioeconomic strata of bourgois suburbia.

As you know.

Btw, I believe the Honorable Merrily L. Curtis esq referred to me "Black Slime."

I had forgotten about Fleta's "Orange" period. Thanks for bringing tonights dinner back up.

Coach Agatep was and I'm sure, is a Perv. If it wasn't his baby why was it born with a full mustache and coach shorts.

Really. I swear.

Craig Curtis said...

Well, The Honorable Merrily L. Curtis esq. may have been a little racist (she was just angry then. Really. I swear.), but she was burning her bras when she shouldn't have. She couldn't help herself. She WAS a product of Edgewood High School ("Fight! Fight!").

brightstarr said...

Ha, we all know Tyler is gay and he definitely has superb taste. :-)

And I agree that his t.v. show sucks, not that I've watched more than 30 seconds of it, but his movies are pretty good!
Btw, I like DL Hughley, but he does not deserve a show on all.