SO, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STUPID? AGAIN.

Real quick, Saddam had no WMD. Gay sex and Cher did not cause Hurricane Katrina. Every black person at any college did not get there through affirmative action, opposing the invasion of Iraq is not the same as not supporting the troops, Hillary Clinton did not kill Vince Foster (at least not personally) and Hurricane Gustav has nothing to do with the Republican national convention being cancelled.

The convention IS being cancelled for the same reason that all the above mentioned subjects were brought up.

Fear.

Fear, that's right folks! Line right up here for a healthy dose of Republofear! Not the old fashioned kind! New and way unimproved fear! Tasteless fear! Yessiree, fear of not winds! Not Rains! Not death on a mass scale! No! Not here folks! This is a whole new type of fear we republicans are bringin' ya!

This is good ole Willie Horton fear!

That's right folks! This is FEAR OF A BLACK PLANET! Yup THAT kind of fear! Oh, I see we got your attention now! Well, keep looking over here and, uh, please stay away from that curtain! Fear! Yes indeedy! Fear is what we know best. C'mon over to the Fox News booth for a good old fashioned dosage of fear!

Yeah. Fear.

FEAR THAT NOBODY IS GONNA CARE ABOUT THEIR LAME LITTLE CONVENTION NEXT WEEK IN MINNETONKA!

Or wherever.

Let's face it, Cindy "Stepfordsheera" McCain could host one of those topless biker beauty pageants her hubby Lechy wants her to enter and it STILL wouldn't attract 1/100th of the attention that the Dem convention did in Americans new favorite party city, DENVER!

By taking such a public path of showing they "care" the republicans have sunk to so many new lows that I can't even give them any benefit of the doubt. All they "care" about is the fact that they can't possibly top the Black guy and his party at Obamalopolis. And they're right.

I'm sure someone (maybe even my hero Karl Rove? Oh, shut up, if he was a Dem we'd all love his evil ass!) had a quick think and decided to shortcut the comparisons to last weeks Superbowl/New Years and televised equivalent in ratings to the second coming by making a major move and squelching Keith Olberman before he even got a chance to do his tired I'M OUTRAGED! act. Anderson Cooper now has to leave the warmth of his bf's arms and put away his Abercrombie and Fitch tees and drag out his disaster wear and superhold gel all because John McCain is afraid to be compared on national tv to Barack Obama.

Bother.

And you know what? As desperate moves go, this one is pretty good. Like this weekends announcement of Gov. Palin as the republican Veep nominee, it's brill political theater.

Only things is, at some point you're going to have to actually do something besides plan stunts. Maybe even define your candidacy.

Or, come up with a reason to vote for you.

Well, other than fear. Of course.

GADZOOKS!