Thursday, November 20, 2008

MY BITCHEZ: AJ aka "DEANO"



Gigantor loves him some "drunken breakfast".

Uh, "brunch."

Well. Who doesn't?

Mon Cheri (that's "An entire country can't find a can of Ban?" for "y'all), is there nothing better than a bottle of Andre '07 with your powdered eggs?

Of course not.

Really.

I swear.

Well, Gigantor had invited me to a drunken, uh, brunch and I graciously accepted.

Have you seen my fat ass? If you had you would know that I don't a miss meal.

Or a short Mexican boy.

But I digress.

What's new?

After Gigantor and I had helped a blind woman find her friends (Ok. Wait. This chick was wandering around the Hilton not knowing where she was, all Audrey Hepburn in "Wait Until Dark". When we finally found her friends they were all at the Star Trek show! Blind Trekkies. I guess that Levar Burton is a God to them. Power Rangers say go!)we met up with "the Other AJ".

Now, up until this point I really didn't know "The Other AJ". Poor bitch had gotten that moniker because Gigantor had been telling me about his friend AJ. Well, the night I finally met him there was another AJ there whom Gigantor referred to as "Hot AJ".

It stuck. One was "hot AJ" the other was "the Other AJ".

Poor Bitch.

Well, it's all rather ironic because I had heard "the Other AJ" was this "Hot Indian Guy" AJ.

I actually was rather tired of hearing about this "hot Indian guy" WAY before I met him. No, I was already hating him. The way I saw it, NO ONE was allowed to be anointed as the "hot" anything until I had perused the goods. AND he was being invited to things before he had kissed the ring.

My ring.

"Who is this hot Indian guy you speak of? What village is he from? Why hath he not cometh and paid Homage to the ruler of this village? MY VILLAGE!"

Whew, I needed to get that said. God, I love blogging.

So, of course being a fan of the sub continent I was all revved up to see this Pasha from afar.

Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I finally get a looksee and he's no dark, silken haired Bollywood star!

He's a freaking Suave, skyscaper living, sophisticated, urban Dwell magazine sorta guy.

He's fucking Dean Martin for the 21st century!

I hated and loved him on sight.

Well, at brunch I confirmed that he didn't know what the fuck to think of me.

No surprise.

Who does?

I am the type you either love or hate.

Your boyfriend WILL hate me.

It's just the way it is.

Boyfriends always know that if their boyfriend gets to spend time with me they will come home with all sorts of fresh ideas and demands for emancipation.

You might even call home from Mexico.

Three days later.

Oops.

Singletons either think I'm a hoot or don't understand why I am in charge. I'm not in charge because I'm a dictator. I'm in charge because I usually know where the fun is.

And the booze.

And the boys.

Never been to a Chola gang initiation followed by a bangin' after party in a loft in Tonopah? Call me.

Want to go to a club where the drinks are cheap and the crack dealers delivers to your booth?

Me.

Need to disappear for four days just because?

Who you gonna call?

You do the math.

So, here we are at The Hilton with "the Other AJ" and I've had a few and , well, when I've had a few, well....

So, it seems our new friend was dating our peripheral friend "The Toxic Twink".

You'll hear about that one later.

I didn't get it.

Well, put enough Andre in me and sit back and watch the show.

Fasten your seat belts....you know the rest.

So, I proceed to lay out all of the reasons why this suave sophisticate had no business dating someone as undeveloped as T3 (The Toxic Twink! Keep up!).

To his credit "The Other AJ" had the good sense to head home and break up with T3.

Btw, I adore T3.

Now.

Really.

I swear.

So, later when I needed help getting to Denver for the conclave (read the first post oh so many moons ago) who do you think stepped in and gave me all sorts of leads?

And when I had my Endora vs Biden throw down debate party who arranged tix to some titty show on the strip for my raffle to help the homeless?

And who has hosted parties at his SKYPAD for all sorts of things?

THE OTHER AJ.

AND FOR SERVICE IN HIS MAJESTY'S COURT ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY I HEREBY CHRISTEN THEE FOR ALL FUTURE POSTS IN THE LAND OF DEREK:

DEANO

ALL BOW UNTO THE NEWEST KNIGHT IN THE COURT.

A TRUE FRIEND.

2 comments:

Luisg said...

Excellent writing Mr. Derik! After you finish we will all have a better understanding of how we are all connected. It's going to be like the history channel or a family history reseach project and I love that kind of history.

Some of us might just start writing our own version of events.

Oh, and please, tell me where to Bow for Mr. Deano. I also like T3, but sometimes I just don't know how to get along with Terminator, I mean with The Toxic Twink.

vtknitboy said...

check ur ego dude! luv ya! ;)