DON'T QUESTION ME!

DOWNLOAD THE FOLLOWING.

NOW.

JAMES BROWN: NIGHT TRAIN

WHY: It's badass. From the opening bass line on to James shouting out a bunch of cities on the old "Chitlin Curcuit" James, is totally shouting out a list of cities that Barack Obama later won on his way to becoming POTUS.

Ok, I swear fo God I'll be over my Baracrush soon.

I swear.

Really.


MIRIAM MAKEBA: PATA PATA

WHY: Miriam has this coolio sorta African fun swing going on. She makes living under Aparthied bareable.

Barely.

BLANCMANGE: LIVING ON THE CEILING

WHY: The production is this ocean of Indian and Nouvelle Vague (that's cheese whiz, bitch, for skinny ties and purple hair) whirling through a sonic patch right at the top of your head. Get stoned and put on those big headphones.

LUCKY ALI: O SANAM

WHY: Easily one the prettiest songs I've heard over the last ten years. I have no idea what it's about, it's in Hindi or some such. Youtube the video and see what I mean.

THE RUNAWAYS: CHERRY BOMB

WHY: I went to Edgewood High School in West Covina, Cali. I knew girls who drove Javelins and fucked in Camaros. Feathered hair. But not in a sexy Farrah do. No, the bitches I knew had hair that feathered naturally because their hair was afraid to touch their face. The girls I knew worked to get cameltoe in their Sasoons. Cha Cha Cherry BOMB!

MADAME X: JUST THAT TYPE OF GIRL

WHY: Lesbians who knew the men all paused when they went to the Speakeasy. "Turn it up! Crank it!"

GRACE JONES: LA VIE EN ROSE

WHY: If all you know of Grace Jones is that Bond movie (the best!) then you don't know Miss Grace. Or really good extacy. Poor you. Either way.

MADONNA: TAKE A BOW

WHY: You have to have ear wax in the shape of a boll weevil to play this song and not get laid. Just when he's about to cry, take his chin in your hands, look into his eyes and say (I swear. Really) "I'll never hurt you." LAY-ED! Not that I've ever done this. Really. Oh bitch please, I know it works because It's Derek move # 602 (the Princess Diana Years). Oops. I guess it's in retirement now. What I do for you people.

NINE INCH NAILS: I WANNA FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL

WHY: Are you for real? Let me just "splain sumting to you Lucy", if I play this song, I'm about to show you openings (from the inside) that you never knew about. In plain English, I'm going to put it all up in you. It will work for most, however, don't get it twisted, you aint me. I make no assurances. Every man is an island unto himself. Huh?

PHIL SPECTOR: ANY FUCKING PHIL SPECTOR

WHY: Cause he's a crazy, afro wearing, gun toting, murderous, little, pyscho dweeb. Because of Darlen Love and the Dixie Cups. Because he made Ike Turner nervous. He held Ronnie Spector prisoner in a Bel Air mansion. For the 60's! He gave Sony Bono his start. Which led to CHER! What more do you need?

Now. Get to Frostwire or wherever you steal your music.

Go. Now.

Really.

I swear.