Sunday, January 11, 2009


I love Jamie Lee Curtis.

She's sorta tacky.

She's just a little Dykey.

She's a handsome woman.

She used to be a man.

I know this because her wardrobe in BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA is a stunning game, set and match of exactly what a woman of "a certain age" should wear.

And yet, she still looks sorta tacky, a little dykey, and yet, still handsome.

She used to be a man.

In BHC JLC plays (oh that was fun! BHC JLC. So "W" Hotel) a psychotic mass murderer on the run from her ex mother-in-law who has an unhealthy obsession with large rodents.

Or something like that. I didn't care. She looked amazing!

Her clothes are all I paid attention to for the 1st twenty or so minutes as they established a premise for the cool part of the movie to start.

I love talking animal movies.


Dogs and Cats? Calling Oscar!

If an animal has that peanut butter in their mouth thing going on so it looks like they're talking....I'm in.

This one is really good with the peanut butter thing. The animals are hilare!

I also like Kirstie Alley movies.

Anyways. Jamie Lee gets busted for heroin smuggling and has to leave her spoiled Chihuahua behind with her crack dealer, some blond chick who loses her on a meth fueled run to Mexico.

And that's when the fun commences.


I swear.

The Chihuahua ends up lost in Mexico! And finds not only that the whole world is not all Beverly Hills and Puerta Vallarta, but that honor and heritage are oh so important.

Ok, I have no idea what this movie is about. I might have just tripped over a zig zag in the rug on my way into the theater.


Anyways, it's hella funny. Every cliche you've ever seen in a movie is here from the opening fashion montage (who did the wardrobe?!) of Doggie Couture, to the bad buddy who must redeem himself, to the empowering Million Chihuahua scene that tells the little white bitch (I watched that Westchester Dog thingy too sweetie) that even though she may look and act all Beverly Hills, at the end of the day she is still a Strong Black Woman!

Uh, I mean a Chihuahua from the hood.

Jennifer Lopez is brilliant in this part.

There's even a meet cute, we hate each other, we're SO gonna go all Jose Cuervo in our trailers on the third day of filming, get together to save the dog, fall in love and solve the whole global warming thing by the end of the movie, interracial couple.

I don't know who they are.

Oh my God Chandler Bing! There's also the best little rat who steals some jewels that have something to do with the white bitch (Tee.Hee.). And he has an Iguana friend!

You had to be there!

So, JLC breaks out of the Serbian sexslave prison camp she's been sentenced to and is on her way home! You can imagine the hilarity that ensues!

Can't you.


Of course (SPOILER ALERT! As if.), by the end JLC manages to get home just as the gardener is pulling up his pants from a bang with the chick who loses the dog in the first place.

Did I mention that there is a doggie love story that at one point had me sorta misty?

There was.

Ok, my thing is this.

You could rent "The Women" and want to just bite your nails to the quick out of sheer boredom or Rent "BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA" and find out how Jamie Lee Curtis manages to solve the mystery of her long hated grandfather who shares a terrible secret with the other older residents of a small midwestern town.

Ok, I have no idea what this movie is about.


I liked it.

1 comment:

Craig Curtis said...

Well, Derek, as you probably have heard, rumor has it that JLC was a born hermaphrodite, at which time parents TONY CURTIS and JANET LEIGH had to decide which sex she was gonna be. It's merely heresay, but of course fits in nicely with your theory. Even MY recessive hairline looks girly next to hers!

Either way, what with being married to LORD Christopher Guest, she is finally a LADY, dual sex or not.

And fuck off (or if you were JLC, you could do it to yourself) about Lord Snowden's fabulous package. I only noticed it because it was in a SPOT LIGHT, for godsake.