Sunday, May 31, 2009
OH SHUT THE HELL UP or NOT ANOTHER AFRICAN AMERICAN NEGRO
OK. So, Disney, purveyors of all that is good and merchandisable in the world, has finally made a movie with a Black Princess.
Cue the indignant, ignant, "African Americans".
I'm a lot of things.
A whole lot.
I'm chubby (yet loveable).
I'm high yella (yet loveable).
I'm a truth teller (yet loveable).
I'm a total Bitch (yet loveable).
I'm hung like a Dominican Porn Star Donkey (yet loveable. Yet.)
I'm from West Covina (how could I be anything but loveable?).
One thing I am not?
Ooh, nothing gets arise out of me quicker than some nappy headed Negro spouting off about just about anything once they say , "African American".
That's "we couldn't win a war if we were fighting on Gulliver's Island with Gigantor on our side" (you know, French) for, Negro please. The minute I hear "African American" I know I'm about to hear somebody 'bout to justify their time at Howard or Harvard.
On a scholarship.
Can I tell you a dirty little secret that all Black folk know? Promise you won't tell anybody else? Just between you and me? Ok. Here it T-I-S. Aint no Negro EVER said "African American" if there weren't no ofays in the room.
Uh, I mean, White people.
Yes. I meant White people. My not so good.
When White people are around, Mr. or Miss Scholarship must immediately bust out with the multi-sylebonics.
Just 'cause they have to prove that going to college or reading Nikki Giovanni in "African American Literature 101" doesn't mean that they lost their "Blackness".
Therefore, the rest of us have to be subjected to multi-syllabic versions of racial definitions that were born in the lactose intolerant, moribund brains of failed "leaders" such as Jesse Jackson and that pimp with the processed hair, Sharpton ("Free Tawanna Brawley!". Or some such.). All because Leshawn went to college.
Well. So, Disney has the temerity after something like 300 years of making like only Blondes could have fun in fairytale kingdoms full of witches and strangely Gayesque Princes, has finally given us, Tianna or Lequisha or, who gives a flippetdy foo. Yes! Our first Black Princess.
Oh Happy Day! Massa Walt don gon give us a fantasy of our own! Wade in the water! He washed my sins away! Little colored girls can now be just as fucked up as little White Susies with body image issues and unrealistic expectations!
First Obama, now this. Can a Negro handle so much deliverance on such a short canoe trip?
Nope, according to the "African Americans" , this princess is too light and lives in New Orleans which is a cesspool of Black blood on golden streets paved with tears and therefore, inaccurate.
I have a feeling we'll handle misguided little Chanels and Lexus' just as well as all the Tiffany's, Brittney's and Ambers.
But NO! Not according to the graduates of "A Different World" Jr. College. And Harvard. Nope. You see, whenever and whatever we finally get for "us", it aint ne'er gone be good enough for those who need to prove that reading Tolstoy didn't effectively ruin their ability to appreciate Red Koolaid. 'Specially if it's "given" to us by "them".
Never you mind that "African Americans" gave us Bebe's Kids and BET big bootied Bitches and Hoes shaking their Rumpshakers while ghetto princes in Chrysler 300's ("it looks like a Bentley!" No it don't.) made "it rain" to the beat of "Bitch Betta Have My Money". What matters is that unless an "African American" puts up a fuss 'cause Princess Sho No No or whatever the fuck her name is aint "dark" enough or she lives in Nawlins where the "African American experience" was so awful or... Blah de blah... Ad in finitum.
Listen you braid wearin', Malcolm X watchin', T-Pain listening fraud of a bunch of "I really want a White girl" bitter Negroes, a Black princess is a fantasy character! Just like most White girls don't live in Barbie Utopia off Pacific Coast Highway with her dreamhouse and virginity intact, aint no way to do a fantasy black princess if you're going to insist that she be a Buckwheat colored, nappy headed, oppressed pickanniny livin' one step off of Oppression Lane. Nobody wants to sit through two whole seasons of Lil Kim on Dancing With The Stars. And nobody wants to sit through 90 minutes of "Precious, Pregnant Teen", The Animated tales.
It's Disney you stupid fucks. Stop bitching. Buy some damn popcorn. Listen to the latest Vanessa Williams treacle and shut the fuck up.
If you are so intent on bitching because something aint "African American" enough for you, get on a ricketdy ass Air Nigeria plane and ,hopefully if it don't crash, get yo ass back to Africa.
At least then you can be an African and leave us Americans alone.